We think we’re so tough. We’re cracking jokes about how great it’s going to be once we’re quarantined, like “we’ve been preparing for this our whole lives.”

Some of us introverts have some pretty high level lock-the-world-out-and-wrap-up-in-blankets skills. I can actually go for weeks without leaving the house. Mostly. Somebody has to go to the market once in a while. But other than that, yeah. I can do 2 weeks without even trying. But that’s not the point.

It’s important to have a sense of humor about this, but we do have to take it seriously. I’m not going to give you data about how to not get the virus or what symptoms to look for or how long the incubation period is. What I want to talk about is maintaining a feeling of connection in a time of separation.

Because as much as some of us claim to be such introverts that we don’t even hang out with our imaginary friends unless we have to, we really are social beings.

We’ve seen it with premature babies, when they used to be put in isolation and no one was allowed to touch them or hold them; we now understand that babies will not thrive without human contact and touch. We’re designed from the get-go to need touch and conversation and communal activity. We started out as groups of collectives; this whole individualism thing is a new wrinkle that has not turned out well for anybody, really.

When people respond to life-satisfaction surveys, one of the biggest dissatisfactions reported is a feeling of disconnection from the world, from people, from things–not having a sense of belonging. We crave connection with others, no matter how island-like we try to appear. We need each other, we all do. So why is that so hard to admit? We have to give up on our deeply ingrained but profoundly wrong “lone wolf” mentality and allow ourselves to trust people, and allow ourselves to be trusted, too.

What do I mean by allowing ourselves to be trusted? Think about it. Show of hands please: How many of you are desperate to prove your worth and terrified of being found unworthy? How many of you are longing to be included in things, but terrified of making a fool of yourself? How many want to prove we know what we’re doing and terrified that somebody will prove that oh no we do not? Look around, and know you are not alone. It’s sometimes called Imposter Syndrome, but I call it the Authenticity Disconnect. We’re flat out shitless at the idea of disappointing someone and being made to look like a joke. We can’t allow ourselves to be trusted by anybody else, because if they get their hopes up and we let them down, oh shit oh shit oh shit. It would be better to grab some take out and go home to watch television all night. Alone. Again. No matter how much it hurts.

But right now, alone is highly encouraged.

So how do we start to feel connected to each other, when we have to stay home in order to slow the spread of this thing, and we can’t even get started on making friends? We’re a week behind Italy now, where it’s really, really bad – but people are standing out on their balconies, playing music together, singing to each other, having a street party on multiple levels up in the air. I adore this response, because it’s so beautifully Italian, but also because it shows us very clearly how we will do anything we have to for contact with others. We had some very warm days a couple weeks ago, and I noticed many of my neighbors grilling out on decks and patios. Seems like we could make that more connected somehow, like maybe the musicians in the neighborhood could take turns playing songs to serenade everybody else, and we could turn it into a deck-to-deck party of sorts.

There may be an advantage here. People who are feeling shut in and isolated may be more welcoming to virtual contact with others; there are multiple ways to connect face to face without being in the same place. Use ’em. Call people up. Write letters. Email people. Organize that neighborhood barbeque and picnic. Maybe do a recipe exchange instead of a potluck; organize it so every neighbor who wants to participate gets a recipe from somebody else, and on the agreed evening, everybody cooks and has a picnic in their yard, so they can see each other and chat a little – at a safe distance, of course.

Get creative. Love finds a way, even Platonic love. We need each other, so a path will be opened. Stay strong and open, protect your body but open your heart. Love Always Wins.

Need help feeling connected? Join in a conversation with others here and on Facebook and see what can happen.